You don't deserve to be here. You don't deserve a space in my head everytime I will walk past the building we shared a place in. You shouldn't be lurking inside my head everytime I see a Marvel related article just because I know it will capture your interest.
You shouldn't be here in the first place.
You should stay there wherever you are and stop running circles inside my head. Leave me alone, leave my mind atleast. That time you chose to stray marked a move in my head. Instead of staying away you shaken up and pushed all the memories down to my system and I can't make it stop.
I know I shouldn't linger no more.
Stop making me. You touched a part of me I didn't know that will shiver until now. It wasn't even the kiss that fired that night, not even the fingers you intertwined in mind, or the hugs we shed while our bodies wrapped around each other in the middle of the night as conversations slowly trap inside the blankets.
Help me unlinger.
I don't want to live under the shadows of all the what ifs you have left. Even if I wanted to. But I am the only one who is still here, on the page where you saw me and left me, and I don't want to be alone.
Leave me with all the fondness. Take all the questions with you. The traces of your memory were already tattooed inside of me and that should last me an entirety. I don't need you anymore whispering inside my head, throwing all the confusing words you unknowingly patched up. Leave me. Take it all.
I wish I could tell you that you're still here.
And that you shouldn't be. Trapped in the beads of all my interests. Clung into the never ending spiels I may or may not write down. All the words you won't be reading, all the phrases I won't address under your name.
Stop making me reminisce. Pull out the sheets. I wish you had taken it all the night we last saw each other. That last touch shouldn't tingle anymore. You should've whispered goodbye when your lips touched my cheek that night. You should've told me you were leaving so I know I won't be looking for you and I could've thrown all of it, or diverted it to another form that deserves me. I wish you told me. But I don't know if I wanted to hear either.
Maybe that's why you're still here.
You left me with no periods, no words, no proper gesture of seeing you soon or seeing you never. The wind that blew you down my path has taken you back, or maybe you chose to drift. Help me remove all this. Get out of my system. Take it all with you and leave me behind. You already took a part of me you may never be able to return and that should be enough. Remove all the traces of you inside my head. Get out. Leave. You shouldn't be here.
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Posted on my Medium account this day last year. I was super inspired to write about you then and what you had made me feel. Thank you for the feelings, it has been a while. Told myself back then after posting my sentiments that I would let go of the what ifs but I manage to remain a bit of you and a bit of the feeling you left me. Thank you for the tenderness and the fondness I was able to patch this piece. I hope you are well.