Birthdays are validation of ones existence. The greetings that comes with it are confirmation of how good of a person you are. A little nostalgia, old photos suddenly popping out, tagged recent images, endless thank you's and overflowing heart .gifs -- it's a social validation of who you are and how are you so far and I guess its safe to say we all enjoy that attention.
Every year I look forward to greetings and as I get older I realize that the numbers aren't important. I like reading and replying to every single one of them even from those just acquaintances. I turned off my birthday notification on Facebook two years ago (?), I am on Facebook break for awhile (and I don't know when I am coming back but that's a different story) so I expect to get lesser "happy birthdays" this year. Surprisingly/unsurprisingly I didn't mind. I thought to myself I only need greetings from those who matter. A social validation, still maybe, but I would like to call it more of an addition of love and the mutuality of understanding.
I turned 25 last month. Nothing grand. I was supposed to be in Disneyland but after I chose to cancel my whole trip due to the current protest I didn't know anymore what I would like to do. It felt like I have to do something or that I need to create something grand and different or try something new. It suddenly became a big deal to celebrate when it shouldn't be. It felt like I have to spend every bit of my time to something precious and exciting. Quarter life crisis?
I like birthdays in general. I like to greet my friends and reveal to the world how valuable they are to me. The thought of celebrating, singing the anthem, and blowing of candles after wishing.
My birthday last year became part of the 'blip'. I cannot remember anything even the feeling. I have a bit of photos but it ends there. So this year I hope the simple lunch I had with my family, the cute balloons and comfy blanket in the form of my favorite BT21 friends (a gift from my sister) and the after feeling I have with me currently I hope to not forget.
To share, a few hours ago I received a couple of greetings from my dearest friends. One of which was from my best friend. She always states that she's very lucky to have me and that I keep her grounded and that I help her become a better person. How? I don't know! She told me about it even in her greeting to me last year but it surprises me still how I am able to touch someones life even if mine wasn't so polished either.
This led me to think that maybe this is my purpose. Unknowingly, unconsciously doing things I am not seeing as touching or healing. Goodness in disguise? Those acts from the mundane, who would've thought it able to help someone. I still don't know and I don't want to conclude but I firmly believe that we will only know once we get to the end of life.
I've mentioned this on my previous post - I am so blessed. It hasn't scar me yet but I am feeling it deep down that I am really lucky. I thank the universe and our guardian up above the Lord our God for giving me life and what comes with it. For being able to 'choose', to feel, to think, and for simply being.
Too early to say but I am nearing the end. Not yet the contentment stage but more of the 'im done wishing for myself' feeling'. I hope to be able to pay it forward soon in whichever form I can. I look forward to growth, positivity, and guidance not only for me but majorly for my love ones.
Cheers to getting old, growing, and choosing to be a better person everyday