One good thing about experiencing the pandemic is that I am able to notice things. Those little details that made me appreciate the generality of life. It’s like, sure I already knew about this “stuff” but one good effect of the uncontrollable is that I get to really, truly appreciate these things.
Grateful. Such an understatement to even say it, the word cannot even justify this feeling that I have. I think for atleast as of this moment I am not afraid of dying; death even. I have fairly accepted the fact that the life I have right now is borrowed, I don’t “own” it. I am just a mere vessel for a soul that has a purpose in this world (that I haven’t had yet to figure out) and I know that among all the certain purpose there is for me, to live a good and kind life could be (I think) enough to repay the time that has given. Grateful as I am alive, even more grateful that I live comfortably way beyond what I need, and even most grateful for all the “more” I can’t even put into writing how I would explain without sounding too preachy or arrogant.
And so another year begins, as one came to an end.
2022 was another year full of experiences I don’t even know how to start. Looking back, I was never the type to really plan my life or even atleast goal out my way everyday to survive. I just wing it and float as if today might be the last. I sounded too morbid but well, this is reality. My own version of belief. But something hit me, I feel like really reminding myself of all the plans I had written down in my journal for this year. I always plan or not really “plan” but I usually always jot down things I wanted to achieve but I forget them So for ‘23, I plan on reminding myself that I had written down something. Who knows what might be ahead.
Last year was quite a sail. I was floating until a shore was found and I went on land to re-discover. It was all but the aftermath of the lockdowns and limiting unnecessary rules. Everything is slowly trying to recover, getting back to its new normalcy. It was a phase where I did picked up pieces of my baggages I found on shore and try to bring them all with me again. And as much as I know I should really let go of those not in need, I have developed a certain anxiety during the pandemic that has made me cling more into my bags I don’t ever wanna leave them all behind i’ll take them all with me as much and as long as I could. But let me do my thing and I promise to try and see until when I can hold on.
Remembering now how I should describe my previous year: tiring. I still feel it in me as I type this. I can’t even seem to know yet how I will recover but I am way too exhausted to think about healing. I try to take things day by day as always. Maybe its these baggages, or maybe not. But I really look forward to real rest, I think I deserve for an upgrade on some things.
Anyway, I am blurbing random words I think I don’t make sense anymore lol let me end this chopseuy post by dropping here the quote from my Hobonichi pouch for this year which explained well how I feel about me journaling daily and updating this blog:
Here’s to the new year! Of hoping, looking forward, and just being. :)