Today, I decluttered again.
Last time I cleaned my room was 3 weeks ago. I found old things and finally had the courage to let go of some. I'm the type who keeps things kahit walang sense or walang gaanong meaning as long as I know when I see it I remember the day I got it and why I have to keep it.
It was hard. Well, atleast for me. Every little thing I say, shocks baka kailanganin ko ulit or baka di ko na maalala kapag tinapon ko. I thought of all the things and reasons I could think of on why I should keep them - but cleanliness won. I know I won't be needing them at talagang kalat lang sila, i'm so sorry.
Earlier I tried decluttering my closet. I got the same dilemma since I found old PE shirts, org shirts, and event souvenir shirts I have brought with me from college. Sucks to let go of majority but I know I have to - I know I won't be wearing them anymore and it eats up so much space I have to let go. Some I will throw, some will be re-used as rugs, most will be up for donation.
I had a good feeling afterwards. I feel like I can finally shop for new clothes or buy new things. Lol
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Part of my decluttering project was to revamp and revisit some of my social media accounts just to check and update them even for once a month. After all I have the time today so why not.
I was reading old blog posts of mine from Tumblr and I never thought I was such an overthinker back then. Well, I overthink until know but I have self issues before. I remember maybe 2-3 years ago, I am chanting every night to myself to stop thinking things too much because 1. it stresses me out so much I knew it's not healthy anymore, and 2. thinking about things over and over won't make it move so instead of thinking about them too much I'd rather try to change them in such ways or let it go.
Thankfully, nagwagi ang kabutihan and now I am not overthinking things too much. Sure I think about them whenever it bugs me but I learned and processed the art of letting go. I had the universe take its toll upon me. Iniisip ko baka nga sumobra because I am now too flexible and masyado na yata akong go with the flow I don't know!
Anyway, capping off this random post with this old blog entry I came across from my Tumblr account:
YUCK
Posted around 2-3 years go / http://lacueto.tumblr.com
Paano mo ba malalaman kung ang mga bagay ay tinakda para sayo? Paano mo nasabi na tama ang lahat ng pangyayari at talagang nilaan ang lahat sa tamang oras, pakiramdam at panahon? Halimbawa na lang sa mga kataga o salitang binibitawan sayo ng kahit na sino. Paano mo masisiguro na sayo nga lang talaga nya sinabi ang mga 'yon? Maaring pare-pareho ang mga kataga na sinabi nya ang mga salitang ito sa kung sino man sa kanyang nakaraan pero mas malalim ang kahulugan para sa'yo. Maaring sayo nga lang nya sinabi dahil sayo nya lang naramdaman (ayon sakanya), pero pano mo malalaman kung totoo?
Paano mo masusukat o mattimbang yung pakiramdam ng noon at ngayon at sige na nga isama na rin natin ang kinabukasan. Halimbawa, sinabi nya kahapon na mahal ka nya, pareho pa rin kaya ng timbang ng pagmamahal ang nararamdaman nya ngayon? Maaring oo. Eh kinabukasan? Maaring mas malalim. Eh sa isang linggo? Maaring oo dahil sinabi nya. Eh sa susunod na mga buwan? Maaring hindi na.
Maari nating malaman ang nakaraan at ang ngayon pero hindi natin pwede makita ang hinaharap - hindi natin malalaman kung hanggang saan na lang tayo tatayo at kakapit para sa mga bagay na pinanghahawakan natin ngayon - depende kung ano man ang pinaninindigan mo sa ngayon.
Paano nga ba makasisiguro ang isang tao sa nararamdaman nya? Maaring sasabihin nya sayo oo, pero hindi pala. Maaring sasabihin nya na hindi, pero oo pala. Kung ganun ka-labo ang buhay. paano nasasabi ng ibang tao na tinakda sila para sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa mundong ibabaw maging positibo man o negatibo. Paano nga ba? Ano nga ba ang dapat? Maaring uuwi ka ng masaya. Maaring hindi. Akala mo okay lang ang lahat yun pala wasak na wasak na. Mahirap - pati pag-tantya at pakikiayon sa kilos ng mga tao sa paligid mo mahirap.
Pero paano nga? Paano nga? Ano nga? Saan nga? Sino nga? Kailan? At bakit?
Aminin mo. Lahat naman tayo may trust issues. Lahat naman tayo overthinking. Nagkataon lang na may "mas" at may "medyo" at yung iba nakakayang i-control. Sa puntong 'to, dun ako sa "sobra" - bigla ko lang 'to naisip. Wala lang. Random.
Matutulog na ko. May pasok pa bukas.