It’s been a month since I've admitted to myself that I am bum out and depressed. It’s been weeks since I told myself that I had overcome things and that I am ready to face whatever circumstances I might get in the future. It had been days since I told myself, “yup, you’re ready kiddo, you can do it!”. But, what am I here for now? Why am I typing all these words? Why would I want to rant right now and tell things I am not sure of?
After listening to The Scientist (Coldplay), and I don’t know what is the relevance of it but I’m quite LSS-ing right now for days, I just realized that I really haven’t overcome the fear I have. I am holding back things. I am trying and trying to be strong and accept whatsoever the future must has for me but in reality I am still depressed.
“Nobody said it was easy.. Oh it’s such a shame for us to part…”
I am keeping things for myself, as of now, and I am not sure if I would want to release it - if I would want to share the burden. I don’t know anymore. Things might be different by then - and I wouldn't want that.
Sure, there’s positive sides in everything. It’s been a month since I keep an hold on those - comparing things with those who has much burden than I have. After realizing, I am normal again. But then again, you can’t hide you true feelings.. I’m only fooling myself.
“Nobody said it was easy…”
I don’t know anymore. Maybe, I just need to face the reality by either with a gloomy, straight face or with a smile and acceptance. Either or, I cannot change what the future has in store for me. But one of it might change my outlook in everything - it even might change me. It can either be for the better or for the worse.
I had things ready, it’s only me that has been left out in the dark. Now, I think it’s time. Time to let go, and join the ride. Time to hold a grip onto the rails of positivity and threw away the bitterness.
I am not sure if I am as much ready as I expected to be. But hey, challenge accepted!
“I’m going back to the start.”